The Development of Online and Offline Romantic Relationships: A Turning Point Study by Sophia W. McDowell
Computer dating, cyber-romance, IRCouples, and online love affairs—these are current terms referring to intimate/romantic relationships that begin and develop on the Internet. Much of what we hear about these online relationships is paradoxical. On the one hand, they seem to epitomize the alienation of the modern world: people sitting alone staring into a computer screen, interacting with others in some virtual, unreal universe.
On the other hand, we hear that supportive and sometimes intensely intimate relationships are developed in this manner (Cooper & Sportolari, 1997). While people who developed relationships on the Internet were initially stereotyped as sexually deviant, highly reclusive, or relationally-impaired, as the successful movie "You’ve Got Mail" helps illustrate, online romantic relationships are becoming increasingly common and more mainstream (Montgomery, 1999). Since it was launched in February 1996, LoveAOL has offered its services to more than 130,000 singles searching for relationships (Montgomery, 1999), and at least 1,200 couples have married after meeting through the site (Schlosberg, 1999). Millions have joined the 2,500 other similar websites devoted to matchmaking. Such sites cater to many interests and lifestyles, ranging from large all-purpose services (e.g., matchmaker.com and www.as.org, which has more than 200,000 profiles of American singles) to special interest (e.g., singlec.com for committed Christians and connectat50plus.com) (Montgomery, 1999; Morris, 1999; Schlosberg, 1999).
Though online romantic relationships have become more common in the past few years, many people still regard such relationships with a certain amount of scepticism and wariness. They believe that the Internet promotes destructive, superficial, sexual relationships. "When Spouses Go Astray Online," ("When Spouses," 1999), "Internet Romance Ends With Man Jailed in Wales," ("Internet Romance," 1999), "Online Dating Presents a New Set of Potential dangers for the Unwary" (Benedetti, 2000); "French Woman Dies After an Internet Romance Sours" ("French Woman," 1999); and "Sex Lies and E-mail…" (Gerhardt, 1999)—these are just a few headlines from the many popular press articles dramatizing the dangers and extraordinary nature of online romance.
However, journalists' depictions of Internet romance are largely based on anecdotal accounts, and many portray exceptional cases. Aguilar (1996) comments that many mainstream news organizations take a "simplistic and sensational approach to characterizing cyberspace, a flaw that results from journalists not fully understanding the medium."
Thus the debate over Internet romance continues. As one journalist pondered: "Is all this a great step forward in human relations or the end of romance? Is it hip? Sick? Innocent? Or dangerous?" (Hamilton, 1999). What does a typical Internet romance resemble? How do Internet romances' development compare with similar offline relationships? Despite popular appeal surrounding this phenomenon, little systematic scientific research has looked into how Internet romances typically develop.
This study sought to examine what online romantic partners experience, and how their experiences compare with those of offline couples. Participants in this study consisted of individuals in either online and offline romantic relationships. In an online survey, they were asked to elicit, plot on a graph, and describe relational turning points (important events that transformed their relationships). Data were then used to develop typologies of important turning points in online and offline relationships. These typologies were compared, and by analyzing the plot graphs, developmental differences between online and offline relationships in terms of speed and pattern of change in commitment, were explored.