Jamie asked 'Why do you think people are using the Internet to look for
love?'
Lynda says 'Courting and dating seems to have become a thing of the past in
today's world. Couples meet, sleep together, live together then break up.
This is not the best way to achieve a successful relationship. A couple needs the opportunity to really get to know the other person to see if they
are compatible before making such commitments. We just weren't meant to be
sleeping together and living together before marriage, because it doesn't give
the couple a chance to develop communication skills that will carry them
through. The internet provides an opportunity for good old-fashioned
courtship. No nightclubs, discos are necessary with seedy lowlifes, but a
person is now able to search for someone who will really fulfil their needs.'
Rachel asked 'What was your opinion of Internet romance beforehand?
What do you think of it now?'
Lynda says 'I could understand why a woman would use the internet to find a man
in her local area. This way she could pre-scan prospective dates before
accepting any invitations. After all, it's a lot better than the blind (or
almost blind) dates set up by a dating agency. As I was in my thirties and
unlikely to frequent any of the places where dating invitations would abound, I
figured that it couldn't do any harm to see what men in my local area where
interested in dating. What was totally unexpected was that the lovely man
that I met lived on the other side of the globe! Today my feelings about
Internet Romance stem from understanding through experience. So there are
three guys your age in your local area that are available and looking, why limit
yourselves to these? One is probably an alcoholic, the next a wife beater
and the other a dole bludger. A sensible woman would take stock of her
needs in a man (looks, ambition, education, interests, religion, responsibility)
and search the whole internet until she finds someone who is compatible.
This makes a lot more sense to me than picking the nearest loser because he
lives nearby. '
You asked 'When you first met, had you taken any precautions beforehand?
What were your expectations? How did you know that he was the one?'
Lynda says 'It was four months before we met because of there being such a
tremendous distance between us. I know many people think 'How can you develop
a committed relationship in such a short time, and on the internet?' In
fact, I think time goes a lot faster for internet couples. I firmly
believe that an internet couple would do a months worth of communication each
week in comparison to a face to face couple who actually has little heartfelt
communication with eachother. So, after just four months and the
equivalent of sixteen months of communication under our belt, we finally met!
As for taking precautions, we both had taken AIDS tests and mailed the results
slips to eachother. I had no fear as to my safety as I had been in contact
with his friends, family and even his employer. Richard had also sent me
video of him at church with his friends, so I felt safe. My expectations
were quite realistic as I had 4 months of communication, plenty of photos and
even a one hour video that he had made for me. I suppose the only surprise
was that I hadn't expected him to be so short. He's 5 foot 8 so he wasn't
a midget, but I was used to reaching up to kiss men (I'm 5'7) so this took some
getting used to. I knew that Richard was the one before he flew out to
Australia. As he lived so far away, I felt safe enough to come clean with
the whole truth about myself and my life. He was shown the 'real me'.
When you talk as much as we did, the truth can't help but come out.
Rachel asked 'When did you decide that your relationship was strong enough to
live together?'
Lynda says 'After Richards two week holiday to Australia, we knew that we just
couldn't be apart any longer. This was harder for Richard than it was for
me because Richard had spent time in my home so he was the one who was leaving
us. I remember when I waved goodbye at the airport, he was crying.
It didn't hit me until I was driving home and a plane flew overhead and then I
became acutely aware of my loss and cried too. As soon as Richard got back
to the UK we started making plans to be together.'
Rachel asked 'What was the adjustment like? Did you have any second
thoughts? Did you learn anything new about Richard that you hadn't known
about before because of the nature of your relationship?'
Lynda says 'Bringing a new husband into a single mother family is never an easy
situation, no matter how the relationship began. Luckily, Richard
developed quick bonds with both of my children. As for us personally, it did
take some time to get used to being myself on a face to face basis. I had
gotten used to pouring my heart out over the phone or the internet which both
don't require me to look him in the eyes. This was difficult for me
because all those old masks wanted to put themselves on. On a couple of
occasions I even went to the extent of walking outside the house with the mobile
phone and ringing Richard up just a few metres away so that I could express
myself better. Happily, this unease only lasted a few months and I now am
totally comfortable opening up to him. In fact, this even has helped my
relationship with my children, family and friends as I am now able to be more
honestly open and loving with them. The only surprise was that I naturally
assumed that Richard would eat similar foods to me. I'm only just now
learning foods that we both can eat. For a long time there would be two
difficult meals cooked.'
Rachel asked 'Now, several years down the road, how would you describe your
relationship? '
Lynda says 'Over the years our relationship has gone from strength to strength.
I put this down to the fantastic communication skills that we built up over the
internet. I am not the easiest person to live with, as my ex-husband will
tell you, but my wonderful relationship with Richard makes me believe that I'm
not such a wicked witch after all.'