Do's and Don'ts

The fact that the main writers of precautionary material seem to be those that have been bitten, adds to the fear and terror that strikes people when the words 'internet dating' are mentioned. After all, it's people that make relationships good or bad, not the internet. Sensible and supportive information. That's what I think our Internet Romance Couples need.  No scary stories here, just success stories.

I have written the following sections purely based on my skills in researching and assignment writing. These views do not stem from emotional bitterness but from simple logic reasoning and sensibility.

By all means, let love take hold and enjoy wherever it may take you, but that does not mean allowing all sensibility to fly out the window. After all, weren't you a sensible person before you fell in love? By reading and taking the following suggestions and precautions, you could be saving a lot of heartache and destruction down the line.

I have identified five main areas that should be addressed:

- Security first.

- Honesty.

- Are you the only one?

- Email Relationships (This section by Carol Fields)

- Meeting in person.

- Chat groups.

- Putting it into practice

I will now address these issues in turn...

1. Security first.

Until you know that you know that you know that your partner is not the type to harass you or even stalk you if the worst happens, it is wise to limit the personal information that you supply. Maintain a certain degree of anonymity until you are well prepared to release it. Ways of know how 'psycho' your partner can get include listening carefully to the way they discuss their past relationships. People often repeat their behavioral patterns, so (for example) if a guy keeps dumping on his ex-wife, there is a relatively high chance that he'll turn on you too should anything happen. Also, look out for people who are quite obsessed about their ex-partner and quickly forget that person exists as soon as you come on the scene. A bit of foresight now could save a lot of psychologists bills further down the line.

Checklist:

• Send emails through a free email service such as hotmail and don't use any 'real details.
• Keep surnames, phone numbers and addresses private until you are sure.
• American Singles.com provide a clean and safe environment for meeting others online. All initial contacts are done through AmericanSingles.com so your email address remains confidential until you write back.

2. Honesty

Without direct honesty up front, your internet romance is in trouble straight off. Don't lie or exaggerate now, only to be found out and looking like a fool. Both people get ripped off when you're not honest. Honesty is the number one requirement for any internet romance. You may be surprised that your partner loves you just how you are.

Current photos definitely need to be exchanged. Try to get that done as soon as possible. For more information on how to do this, click here.

Checklist:

• Any secrets? Spill your guts now!
• Current photos are best exchanged as soon as possible.

3. Are you the only one?

Let me firstly say that if you are involved in a 'real-life' relationship as well as having an Internet Romance, I have no desire to share my thoughts with you. Infidelity is infidelity and I refuse to support such behavior.

One of the drawbacks of Internet Relationships is that it is possible to have numerous romances simultaneously without the recipients being any the wiser. Unfortunately, the internet offers the perfect environment for such people.

Checklist:

• Ask for his/her home phone number (and ring it!). A user is often reluctant to give our their home phone number.
• Some guys/girls are quite happy to offer references from other people to verify their integrity.
• Be always on the lookout for emails that are quite generalised in their content. You may not be the only one being 'bulk-mailed'.
• Background checks...
  • Datesmart.com are a quite cheap and effective service that is designed for people in relationships.  
  • You can do it yourself and investigate anyone using Cyber Detective. 
  • Check Him Out! A top-selling investigative guide shows women how to check out their significant others, using free Internet resources.

4. Email Relationships (This section by Carol Fields)

The fact that an e-mailer is just looking at a computer screen, with no voice, animation or even handwriting to connect him/her to a real person, means that they are already in a fantasy-like situation. Their defences and inhibitions drop, they can assume personal characteristics that they would never exhibit in real life. This is not the real world, but many people don't see the difference.

I think women, as opposed to men, are much more affected by the written word. Men have a tendency to be more visual and look at pictures (hence Playboy Magazine, Hustler etc.). So women can much more easily become prey to a man who is just a slick writer. Women need to be very very careful before they loose their hearts over the written words on a screen. Our local psychologist's office says his business is booming with them.

5. Meeting in person.

Don't skip through this section thinking 'I love him no matter what he looks like'. Looks are not everything but without 'chemistry' between the two of you, its going to be quite a dry life. You're only going to be able to find out whether there is any physical chemistry if you meet in person. You already know there is mental chemistry or you wouldn't have gotten this far. Although some internet dating couples have chosen to continue their relationship on a 'virtual' level, most couples feel the need to meet in person.

Checklist:

• Expectations and Intentions. Be well aware of the level of both of these for both yourself and your partner.
• This will be a lot easier for you if you've been totally honest.
• Make sure that someone is with you when you first meet.  Do not go alone.

6. Chat groups

I personally have avoided the 'chat' scene because the quality of chat can sometimes be quite degrading. Although there are many decent chat groups, they are all too often frequented by desperado's looking to get off on you.

Internet chat groups are a virtual community vastly different to our 'real' communities. They have different laws and rules of their own. They seem to experience problems of a unique nature.

I recommend that you first look to Chat Room Lies to see if your partner is noted there as a known liar and repeat offender.  At this site you are able to talk with other people about lies that are used on the internet to take advantage of you.  Another site that may be of service would be Wildxangel.

Checklist:

• If you are going to use chat groups, study up hard and protect yourself!

7. Putting it into Practice

Now that you had read and understand these points, it's time to apply them to your current relationship.  If you are still searching for that healthy internet romance, then click here

Well, I hope you got something out of that. If you have anything that you feel I should add here, I would appreciate it if you dropped me a quick line at lynda@internetromance.org  Please take these precautions to heart and your relationship will be all the better for it.